Marriage

So, what is marriage?

Yes, a partnership. A partnership of love, of relationship, of being housemates, of being meal mates, and bathroom mates. A partnership that involves all 24 hours of the day, including the minutes before coffee and the minutes of being tired and cranky.

A journey. Definitely a journey. And, there are times when you miss the bus, or come close to running out of gas, or are hungry and tired, or sad and lonely. Or, when you need to be alone but you are together.

It is a process, an evolving animus of its own. Dynamic, and not static. But, static in the sense of being grounded and having foundation and solidarity.

It is a refuge, from the turmoils and storms in life, a shelter.

It is exhilarating, and trying, and soothing, and solid. And, sometimes, all of these things are going on at once.

It is someone holding your hand as you venture forth on the trail, where there are loose rocks, and cliffs, and thorny brush, that grabs at you when you try to move forward, or when you think the bear is going to eat you.

It is giving you a nudge when you are tackling something hard, and it is you nudging them as they struggle to get out of bed and out into the tough world of the day ahead.

It is them watching your back, and it is you watching their back.

It is growing, and struggling, and trying to keep it together, when you really would rather stay in bed and pull the covers over your head.

It is laughing at one of the jokes you’ve shared for years, and no one gets the joke except the one you’ve shared your life with.

It is knowing, without thinking, that you need to be supportive, and kind, and loving. And, it is receiving all of that when you need to be supported, be “kinded” and be loved.

It is not taking all of that for granted, but in realizing that there is treasure in all of that.

It is saying that you love them, though that doesn’t need to be said, but then, it does.

It is patience, and it is keeping your mouth shut when your ego wants to fire off a comment, and knowing when to just wait, and be there. And, it is being glad that your mate didn’t fire off their mouth, when you know what they would say and it would be true, but it wouldn’t be kind or loving.

It is, as one man said to me at his wife’s funeral, a continuing conversation over years and years.