Towards Becoming A Better Person: Ubuntu

Towards Becoming A Complete Person

In the Xhosa culture of South Africa, there is a word, ubuntu.  Roughly translated, it is the concept of "a  person is a person through other persons".  That is, I am not who I am really meant to be in this life, unless I am in service to, and compassionate towards other persons.  It is only through empathy, compassion, and service that I fulfill my mission in this life to God to be whole, to be complete.  One's life is not fulfilled and does not have complete and honest meaning unless one is of service to others, and is fully compassionate.

Desmond Tutu writes of this concept, this essence of culture and humanity, in his book, God is Not A Christian: Speaking Truth in Times of Crisis. (2011).

Much of Western thought is exemplified by Descartes' maxim, "I think, therefore, I am."  Yet, Archbishop Tutu urges us to think outside of Western thought, and view our lives in terms of "I am because I belong."  We need other human beings to survive, and to find real meaning in our lives.

Each of us is different, and we each have gifts.  Our gifts are not the gifts of our neighbors, and our neighbors' gifts are not ours.  In that, we have need for each other.

"Ubuntu speaks of spiritual attributes such as generosity, hospitality, compassion, caring, sharing.  You could be affluent in material possession, but still be without ubuntu.  This concept speaks of how people are more important than things, than profits, than material possessions.  It speaks about the intrinsic worth of people not dependent on extraneous things such as status, race, creed, gender or achievement."  (Tutu, p 22)

In Xhosa culture, ubuntu is cherished and coveted more than anything else.  This quality in people distinguishes people from other animals.

Western society has made enormous progress, because of our personal drive and initiative.  Yet, there are substantial costs to this "progress".  People are lonely, and there is an obsession with achievement and success.  Such a culture views failure as a personal, even moral, disaster.  We tend to not forgive and to accept people who have "failed" in the eyes of society.

Such a culture does not give much value to forgiveness and compassion.  We tend to not understand suffering, or to identify with people who are suffering, including ourselves.  In that experience and view, we risk becoming less human, less fulfilled.

In other cultures, such as the Maori of New Zealand, and Aborigines in Australia, each person is highly valued, and each person has a a clear identity and role in their culture.  Everyone has value, and everyone's participation in society has a cherished value in that society.  Everyone is worthy, and everyone has a story to tell.

Indeed, we are here so that we can tell our story, and the story of our people.  In that story is the connection with others, with living our lives with and through other people.  And, as we go about our lives, we are in service to and living for the benefit of others.  Compassion and forgiveness, rehabilitation, and acceptance, are all strong and cherished values.  In life, we are here to help others connect with God, with their people, and with the stories of our brothers and sisters, our neighbors, and with the world.  We are interconnected, and in that interconnectedness, there is love and purpose.

Not that the Xhosa, the Maori, or the Aborigines have perfect, ideal cultures, and not that they are always happy and fulfilled.  Like any people, they have their problems, and their stresses, as well as their struggles and deep questions.  Yet, they have a strong sense of community and they deeply value every member.  Everyone has a role to play, and a mission in their lives to serve others, to be a part of the greater whole.

Forgiveness is a challenging topic.  Contemplating true forgiveness, for me, is often a struggle and a dilemma.  I do not find easy answers and easy solutions to the hard questions and the difficult anxieties and challenges I have about many things.

Yet, if I approach my wrestling matches with a sense of Ubuntu, and passion towards finding forgiveness deep inside of my soul, then I can see that much of my struggles are eased, and that there is a way out of the wilderness, and that I am moving forward on my path to trying to live better, to live more honestly.  The burdens I have are lifted a bit, and I can see a glimmer of the Light ahead in my journey.

Neal Lemery
2/9/2014

The Wisdom I Heard This Week

The Wisdom I Heard This Week

Eckhart Tolle

May I suggest a deeper and somewhat unusual perspective on who you are?

You are not just a person, and you are not IN the Universe.

You ARE the Universe, which IN YOU is awakening, experiencing itself, becoming conscious. That consciousness is who you are in essence. We are all fleeting expressions of it. The Universe awakens THROUGH experiencing challenges and limitations. That means YOU awaken and deepen through your challenges, as does humanity as a whole. So welcome or at least accept all that life brings you. Change what can be changed, otherwise surrender to what IS. Feel the Presence within you as the background to every experience. Know that, as Jesus put it, "you are the light of the world."

With love

Eckhart Tolle

Johnny Moses, Salish storyteller  

You decide if you want to live, or if you want to die.

If you decide you want to live, you also need to decide how you will live.

Every day is a new start, a rebirth, a new beginning.  You can’t go back.  You have to move ahead.  

Love yourself.  Respect yourself.  The power of loving yourself is transformative.

Every adult in the village can be a parent.  When you are growing up, you need a lot of parents.  

In the Salish language,

the words for singing and crying are the same

the words for death and change are the same

(Life is a process of change.  Embrace that change and move on.  Be reborn.)

In Salish culture, you are not a man until you can cry for your people.  When boys learn to cry and share their emotions, then they become men.

Notes from the Dalai Lama’s Talk on Compassion

Portland, Oregon, May 11, 2013

“Compassion means genuine loving kindness, the wish for others to be happy.  All the world’s religions -- every one -- message is compassion.  We need the practice of tolerance.  We need the practice of forgiveness.”

People of faith who aim to practice these values must be serious about it.  

“In many cases, religious practice is simply lip service.  Talk compassion, do something different.  Sometimes religion teaches us hypocrisy.”

“We can see among non-believers some people really dedicated to serving other people.  Be a compassionate person, not necessarily a religious believer.”

“Compassion is the key factor one one’s own well-being.  We are social animals, but those dogs always barking often remain lonely.”

Compassion includes tolerance and acceptance.  Anger is counter-balanced by tolerance and acceptance.  

Serving others is a tradition of all religions.  All religions have the same potential.

Be truly, sincerely committed.  Everyone needs the practice of compassion, in order to be happy.  Compassion is not only for religious people.

Compassion and affection are biological in nature.  (For example, nurturing a baby.)  As we grow older, greed and self-centeredness erode our compassion.  These are the costs of growing up.  

Religious tradition builds on the biological compassion, to encourage a lifetime of compassion.  All faiths have a tradition of compassion.  

Affection, action, and research are our karma in our lives.  When change occurs, we need to research, re-evaluate, take action, and change.   Action that is positive results in happiness.

A materialistic life is a cultural habit, and is living at a superficial level.  It is animal thinking.  So, go broader.  Humans are able to reason.  Use reason to extend compassion to all levels, all people.  Change your thinking.

Materialism is not happiness.  

The hygiene of emotion.  Our emotional state is as important as our physical state.  We need to educate ourselves and others about emotional health.  

This is “secular ethics”.  “Secular” means to respect all religions and the non-believer.  

Religion promotes basic human values, but, often, religious practices and views corrupt this.  The ruling class can corrupt this, and there is often bullying.  

Institutions get corrupted.  We need to recognize this,  change, and oppose this.  Religion isn’t necessarily religious institutions.  

Sincerely gentle people live better, more peaceful, happier lives, and have more friends.  

Affection, a sense of concern, brings trust, brings friendship.

Fear, hate, and anger eats at our immune system.  Compassion increases our immune system.

People, if they are NOT the recipient of affection early on in their lives, are less satisfied, have a lesser sense of love, are more anxious, and less happy.

Be committed.  Be unified with others who are also seeking more compassion in their lives.

(compiled by Neal Lemery) May 18, 2013

Notes From the Dalai Lama's Talk on Compassion

Portland, Oregon, May 11, 2013

“Compassion means genuine loving kindness, the wish for others to be happy.  All the world’s religions -- every one -- message is compassion.  We need the practice of tolerance.  We need the practice of forgiveness.”

People of faith who aim to practice these values must be serious about it.  

“In many cases, religious practice is simply lip service.  Talk compassion, do something different.  Sometimes religion teaches us hypocrisy.”

“We can see among non-believers some people really dedicated to serving other people.  Be a compassionate person, not necessarily a religious believer.”

“Compassion is the key factor one one’s own well-being.  We are social animals, but those dogs always barking often remain lonely.”

Compassion includes tolerance and acceptance.  Anger is counter-balanced by tolerance and acceptance.  

Serving others is a tradition of all religions.  All religions have the same potential.

Be truly, sincerely committed.  Everyone needs the practice of compassion, in order to be happy.  Compassion is not only for religious people.

Compassion and affection are biological in nature.  (For example, nurturing a baby.)  As we grow older, greed and self-centeredness erode our compassion.  These are the costs of growing up.  

Religious tradition builds on the biological compassion, to encourage a lifetime of compassion.  All faiths have a tradition of compassion.  

Affection, action, and research are our karma in our lives.  When change occurs, we need to research, re-evaluate, take action, and change.   Action that is positive results in happiness.

A materialistic life is a cultural habit, and is living at a superficial level.  It is animal thinking.  So, go broader.  Humans are able to reason.  Use reason to extend compassion to all levels, all people.  Change your thinking.

Materialism is not happiness.  

The hygiene of emotion.  Our emotional state is as important as our physical state.  We need to educate ourselves and others about emotional health.  

This is “secular ethics”.  “Secular” means to respect all religions and the non-believer.  

Religion promotes basic human values, but, often, religious practices and views corrupt this.  The ruling class can corrupt this, and there is often bullying.  

Institutions get corrupted.  We need to recognize this,  change, and oppose this.  Religion isn’t necessarily religious institutions.  

Sincerely gentle people live better, more peaceful, happier lives, and have more friends.  

Affection, a sense of concern, brings trust, brings friendship.

Fear, hate, and anger eats at our immune system.  Compassion increases our immune system.

People, if they are NOT the recipient of affection early on in their lives, are less satisfied, have a lesser sense of love, are more anxious, and less happy.

Be committed.  Be unified with others who are also seeking more compassion in their lives.

Neal Lemery

Compassion

“Compassion is not religious business, it is human business, it is not luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability, it is essential for human survival.”
Dalai Lama

And, first, I must be compassionate to myself. Without me being fully healthy, fully aware, then I cannot act in a healthy, holistic way towards others. I must practice what I intend to preach. I must be congruent with myself, first, and then, towards others.

I am human. And, I am a human being. Not a human doing. And, in my being, I am imperfect, and I can and will err. So be it. It is my nature. But, in my mistakes, I learn and become more self aware. Self awareness leads to understanding, and to growth.

To grow outward requires that I also grow inward. Growing takes energy and commitment, and, most of all, direction. Without direction, without purpose, there is chaos. As a human being, I am here to give direction and purpose to my life, and to move ahead, according to the purpose the Universe instills in me and asks me to follow. I must listen to my heart, and my soul, and to then move ahead, with purpose, with direction.

Just for today, I will take a step forward, intentional, purposeful, and mindful of who I am and why I am here. I will listen to the directions of the Universe, and mobilize my soul energy, moving ahead.

In all of that work, I show compassion for myself, and for all humankind.